Catagories



Cockblock at the Alternative press Expo
October 11, 2013 · CATEGORY: Announcements · BY:

Stitchmind Artworks is headed to the Alternative press Expo this week which means COCKBLOCKS will be there too!

We got a few of the limited edition Cockblocks left and we got a bunch of artwork. I’m making a limited run of a print from our “No time for Love” series that was on exhibit in the Cockblock artshow earlier this year:

All the fun is at Table 712 so come on down this weekend.

Cheers,

Mighty Cockblock



Quick Pic: Blending In
October 5, 2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

Trying to make some new friends, but they wont have it due to “creative differences”.


Cockblock



Tip of the Cockblock: The DO’s and DON’Ts of LOOKING AT ART
September 20, 2013 · CATEGORY: Tip of the Cockblock · BY:

Salutations, you slick, sly sons of so-and-sos. And daughters. Also daughters of so-and-sos. Don’t you dare say we aren’t about gender inclusivity at Cock & Block Enterprises LLC, whaaaaat!

Pop on your catcher’s mitt you mooks, ‘cause I’m about to pitch some real-life situations at y’all asses. Fastball style. Batter up!

So you somehow found yourself stranded at a high-society art gallery opening, where all the crème-de-la-creative-crèmes are rubbing their bony artist elbows together and saying stuff like “What’s your process?” and “I can’t afford food, can I eat a sponge?” all while trying not to make eye contact with one another. That’s weird! What do you do?! First off, don’t panic, ya hayseed chowderbrain! Wipe that drool from your slack-jawed chin and just follow ol’ Cockblock’s simple life advice.



DO: NOD AND MURMUR

Even if you can’t make heads or tails outta that eight-foot sculpture of Gary Busey’s teeth constructed completely from circus peanuts, that doesn’t mean you gotta stare at it with all the vacant-eyed dopiness of a Redditor at a women’s lib rally. Simply nodding and muttering syllables beneath your breath is a surefire way to spread the illusion that you’re deeply affected by this art, even if you’re actually just deep in thought about what kind of sinister hell we live in where Netflix would change “My Queue” to “My List.” QUEUE WAS SO MUCH BETTER YOU INSTANT STREAMING IDIOTS DANG.



DON’T: LINGER

Treat your art-gazing like a black ops operation: get in, appreciate that piece, then get the fuck out while you’ve still got legs to walk with. Lingering only means two things: either you’re so lost in thought about the artist’s process of recreating Inspector Gadget animation cels entirely from bodily fluid that you’ve just gotta wrap unlock their secrets by pure visual osmosis, or worse, that you’re interested. In. Buying. It. And you’re not! Trust me. Artists are dumb no-nothings that are too cool to sling lattes and too dumb to… I don’t know, invent time travel. If more artists would stop making My Little Pony fanart all the time and pick up a quantum mathematics textbook or two, I could be riding a dinosaur like a comically oversized rodeo bull right about now! Rass’n frass’n good-fer-nothings.



DO: DRINK THE FREE CHAMPAGNE

Hands-down, the best thing about going to an art opening is telling the artist you’re interested in their work, then saying “NOT!” while lowering sunglasses onto your face and skateboarding away onto a half-pipe. The second best thing is the FREE BOOZE, BOYEEEEE. Grab yourself a fistful of champagne flutes and drown those suckers faster than the asshole gallery owner can explain the difference between Manet and Monet. UM, if I cared about dead people I’d literally be in a graveyard right now! Ha ha, what a loser.



DON’T: BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE

Uh, because they already have free booze there. Come on, that’s money saved, son. Acting like you ain’t got rent to pay, the hell’s the matter with you. One of these days we gonna have a serious conversation about your financial priorities, geez.



DO: HIT ON THE HIPSTERS

Oh yes, the finer sea of gangly, scruffy-faced suckers in skinny jeans and banged, bangled beauties with bangin’ bods you will never find. Find your target, sidle on up beside them and spit one of the following:

1: “I feel like nobody else gets it. You look like you get it. Let’s awkwardly make out like anxious middle-schoolers.”

2: “I’ve lived in Brooklyn, Portland, and Austin. Hello, I am also the worst.”

3: “Do you want to play Truth or Dare and if so I dare you to give me your number ;)”

Works like a charm. Call me Toronto-born actor-turned-rapper Aubrey “Drake” Graham, because you can Thank Me Later.



DON’T: ACTUALLY DATE A HIPSTER YOU MET AT AN ART GALLERY

You know what lies deep beneath that Coffee Bean And Jesus beard? Disappointment. First you’re at an art gallery both pretending you know what the hell a fresco is, next thing you know you’re rolling your eyes because they won’t stop finding ways to work Jeff Mangum into every conversation. Yes, okay, we get it, he resurfaced after years in isolation following an ill-timed nervous breakdown and while he hasn’t produced a substantial amount of new content it’s wonderful that he’s touring with his recently reunited band but damn girl, it is 3AM and I have work tomorrow! You are the worst, girl, for real.

And bada-bing bada-blammo, that is how you properly act at an art gallery, ya dummies.

Until next time!

Mighty Cockblock



Quick Pic: Time for Gummies!
September 8, 2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

Don’t forget to get lots of candy to fatten up for the summer.


Cockblock



Cockblock Doll Adventures: A visit to the Zoo
August 29, 2013 · CATEGORY: Cockblock Doll Adventures · BY:


Hello friends today I am going to spend a day at the San Francisco Zoo. An exotic cornucopia of animals. Zoos are wonderful little places to learn and see creatures of the world.


However today I will be visiting the San Francisco Zoo. San Francisco has currently evolved into some sort of technology-smothered future city. Using the city’s magical powers such as “high rent” and “elitism” the growing bastion has successfully managed outcast and destroy all lifeforms that are incapable of working in startups. This includes animals.


The result leaves the zoo and all other non-trendy parks nothing more then a bleak desolate wasteland where the attractions sit and wait for a sliver of attention from the last remaining visitors that still think the animal kingdom is more interesting then their iPads.

But dont worry, Cockblock is here to enjoy the last few bits of this dying park! Let go look at some animals.

(more…)




Quick Pic: Drinking on the Curb
August 26, 2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

Ballin!


Cockblock



Lets do a like and share giveaway
August 14, 2013 · CATEGORY: Announcements · BY:

Hello infidels,

It is I, The Stitch. Mighty has been once again harassing me from my busy schedule of despising you all to say he wants more attention on the Facebooks to flaunt his egotistical ways.

So I setup a little giveaway for him. Go to The Cockblock facebook page and look for this image:

Lets put it up for…lets say a month and a half so I don’t have to deal with this for awhile (and get back to my despising). Come Sept 30th I’ll randomly select three people who were smart enough to like AND share this image and I’ll send each of them one a classic white Cockblock Doll.

Well why are you still here? Go ahead and see and get outta my face.

Regards,
The Stitch



Quick Pic: Vandalism
August 7, 2013 · CATEGORY: Picture Time · BY:

Someone Painted on the wall and knocked over this post! I Must be in the rough side of town.


Cockblock



Special Sale with Fab.com
July 31, 2013 · CATEGORY: Announcements · BY:

I am very excited to announced that we are going to have a week long special sale on Cockblock Dolls through the amazing site fab.com



“There ain’t nobody here but us chickens! No, but really. We’ve gathered nothing but great chicken paraphernalia from egg-citing brands like Stitchmind and DKE (for all of your plush chicken needs) and the quirky Sarut (the chicken purse!). So clear the roost and make room for your new best friends.”

Fab is going to have a chicken themed sale for the week and Cockblock is invited. We have a bunch of to be sold through them so now is as good a time as any to pick one up. On top of that we have a special treat. Fab will be selling a very limited number of our special edition Cockblocks including the new Spooky black Cockblock with glow in the dark eyes. This will be the first place you can get this version on the internet so if you had your eyes on a spooky doll you should definitely head on over.

Fab site

Cheers

Mighty Cockblock



Some Fanime 2013 pics
July 19, 2013 · CATEGORY: Cockmunity · BY:

Things have been busy but we got a bunch of cool pics of amazing Cosplayers from Fanimecon 2013. Better to put them up late then never, check out these great people with their cool costumes as they ttake home their very own Cockblocks!











Thanks Everyone!

Best,
Cockblock
Category: Cockmunity Tags:



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